Windows Vista. My Resistance is Futile

Pouting didn't help, but on the day Windows 95 came out I did plenty of it anyway. I would have held my breath until I changed colors if it would have prevented Microsoft from launching the new OS (operating system). After learning Windows 3.1, I loved it and hated the thought of learning a whole new OS.

I welled up -looking at my trusty Windows 3.1 "Program Manager," knowing it would soon be gone. I sniffled as I browsed through "File Manager" -soon to be replaced with a cheesy-sounding "Windows Explorer." And why would I ever need to name a file with more than eight characters? Do people lack that much creativity?

I heard Windows 95 would feature a "Start" button down at the bottom of the screen. "Who wants to click a menu at the bottom of the screen? That isn't innovative, it's just weird," I fumed.

Microsoft's advertising blitz for Windows 95 taunted me. An alleged $12 million paid for use of the Rolling Stones' "Start me up" song and the commercials infiltrated my favorite shows -harassing me. I swore I would never install Windows 95 -ever. That'll teach Microsoft.

It took me about an hour to install Windows 95 a week later, and two months for my resentment to fade. I learned Windows 95 until the planned launch of Windows 98 triggered another attack of deep resentment. Windows 95 was fine for me. My 8 megabytes of RAM was plenty, and now I supposedly needed 16 MB of RAM for Windows 98? That was over a hundred bucks! And what's this new USB stuff? Why would I need to plug something in without turning off the computer? Forget it. "Microsoft can kiss my -computer case," I mumbled. I'm staying with Windows 95 forever.

The next afternoon, I struggled to install an additional 8 MB of RAM to total 16 MB. Windows 98 looked a lot like 95, except now I could have a hard drive bigger than 2 gigabytes thanks to a file system called fat32. I paid three hundred bucks and got a 6 GB hard drive -Ha! A steal! More space than I'd ever need.

When Windows ME came out I threw my predictable fit, but this time I stood my ground -yes sir, I didn't budge. Some might say I dodged a bullet.

But then the announcement of Windows 2000 soured me anew. I had Windows 98 (second edition) on my computer, customized exactly as I wanted it. Why was Microsoft determined to ruin a good thing? Who cares about a new management console, file encryption and other system utilities most consumers like me will never use? Forget Windows 2000. I swore my computer would die with Windows 98 installed.

I bought a new computer that had Windows 2000. It wasn't so different from Windows 98 and it was more stable. Finally -the last operating system, I thought. I got to the task of learning and tweaking my Windows 2000 operating system.

The announcement of Windows XP hit me like a sick joke and I wasn't laughing. I ran my finger down the list of new features: updated graphical interface, system restore, fast user switching, remote desktop, and several others. Did I need them? NO! "Looks like Windows 2000 with a new trick or two and a pretty bow on it," I sneered. I'd sooner stop using a computer altogether than agree to upgrade to XP.

After I considered the ramifications of forfeiting computers, I gave in to XP, but grumbled through the entire upgrade. When the install finished, I said, "That's it -no more!"

Microsoft launched Vista and each time I remember the fact, I become bad company. Who needs a new "AERO" graphical interface, Windows DVD Maker, enhanced security, parental controls, built in speech recognition or any of the other garbage Vista offers.

XP is a keeper. But, just for the heck of it, I ran Microsoft's Windows Vista Upgrade Advisor tool and it flashed a pretty screen of congratulations, telling me my computer hardware is ready for Windows Vista. Ha! Don't hold your breath, Microsoft!

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