I Don’t Love You Anymore

Dear Facebook,

I was OK with our relationship. YOU were the one that got bored. I had really hoped things would get back to normal for us -honestly. I did my part by giving you at least a few minutes of undivided attention almost every day. On a few days we spent an entire afternoon just sharing, laughing, reconnecting and getting caught up. I bragged about you. I told people how lucky I was to have found you. I used to wish all my friends in the world could have what we had. Baby, I thought we were special.

To be fair, you warned me that you were changing. You said we needed something new -something different -something exciting that would stimulate our relationship. When you finally brought it, I went along, even though I immediately felt totally controlled. How can you pressure me to embrace the new you and participate in activities that were never part of our relationship when they make me feel so worthless? There are parts of you now that I can't see and that you won't share.

You don't care what I want anymore. Since your change, when we've been together everything is your way and I end up logging off you, feeling hollow and manipulated. Since your change, you shove your constant status updates into my face and force other people's applications onto me (No, I don't care what kind of fish they would be!). Sometimes you share our secrets with other people, pasting my private wall posts on all my friends' home pages. How could you? That is despicable and I feel so violated! I don't like what you do to me, I never liked it and I told you to stop so no matter what you say, it is NOT consentual.

Facebook, I think I need space. (No, I didn't say MySpace, calm down) I don't want to see other social networking sites, but if this is how things are going to be, then you leave me no choice. I'd like to say it's me not you, but in this case, it is all you. You changed and I'm not going to put up with your controlling, dysfunctional egomania anymore. Some of my friends who hadn't even met you said you were a waste of my time. Maybe I should have heeded their warnings.

I used to feel so blissfully lost in the wonderful surprises and fun that you brought to "us." Now whenever I'm with you, I'm just lost. I feel like I'm just another number to you -one of the millions that you tag every day.

Oh, you're going to bring that up? Well then, yes, it WAS Twitter you saw my fingers tickling the other day. Why should I lie at this point? Yes, she IS very attractive. What? I know, Twitter will never be you, but that's sort of the point, right? She doesn't change and every time I see her she is true to herself and I know exactly what I'm going to get. Oh, don't cry on me! Puleeeze. See? This is what I mean. You never used to break down like this. You've turned into a rigid, bullying nut that cracks under the slightest pressure and, no, you aren't going to guilt me with tears this time. We're finished and you brought this onto yourself.

I know it's a bit awkward to get this news in writing rather than in person, but I'm giving it to you just as you like it these days -texty and Twitter-style. Oh, I didn't mean it like that! Would you stop your blubbering again? Sheesh! Oversensitive! Don't forget that YOU are the one that wanted change. The same old "me" suddenly sounds pretty good right now doesn't it?

I realize that because of the length and depth of our relationship, our breakup might be hard to stick to. But based on what I've said, I think it would be best if we didn't talk for a while. I wish you good luck and I hope you find new relationships that need you as much as you need them.

Finally, I'm getting rid of all your stuff you left in my Blackberry. That might be painful to hear, but I simply can't have it laying around. Twitter doesn't like clutter.

-geoff

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